Lose a friend.
I have always found it easier to leave someone behind than to be left behind. This time, I am the one who is being left behind. Anjuli has left the bay area, and she is not coming back. I grew very close to her in the past few years and words cannot describe how much I miss her now that she has gone.
After having met her in high school, we each went our separate ways for college. We kept in touch for the most part via AIM, and she remained one of the few friends from high school I talked to on a regular (or semi-regular) basis. A couple years later, on a whim, I decided to attend an outing she had invited me to. We never really fraternized publicly, so I was going out on a limb when I decided to tag along. It was one of the best decisions I have ever made.
Since then, we have become very close. One weekend led to another. And another. Weekend after weekend of good times with great company (and the occasional weekday). Trips to Reno, Vegas, Santa Cruz, and Tahoe. We went from Synergy and Element events (before we knew any better...) to more mature and classy places (excluding holy moly). Sober times, drunken times, good times, bad times, and everything in between. I would not trade those memories for anything.
I know I will see her again, but not having her around will be difficult for sure. It will be weird going out on the weekends and not seeing her around. Just another reminder not to take anything for granted. Anjuli, regardless of what I may have said, you can never be replaced. Evar.
We will always have Like a G6. I miss you already.
Gain a friend.
Around late April or early May, I was reacquainted with someone I had met six months prior. I met Janet in Las Vegas during our trip for Halloween. Unfortunately, like most people, she had a bad first impression of me. She started hanging out with Anjuli more and more which led her to our ragtag group of misfits. Needless to say, she fit in just fine.
Due to the fortunate timing of the end of my semester and Janet's reintroduction to the group, we were all able to hang out for the majority of two weeks. We took her to a bunch of places like Tomales Bay and anywhere else with alcohol. It was a good two weeks...
We all started talking more and she eventually became one of my most messaged buddies on AIM. We talk regularly during work hours and occasionally see each other at outings during the night. My text messages (which includes Instant Messages) jumped from about 800 per month to over 8,000. Unlimited text has suddently become a necessity.
During one of our conversations, I came up with an idea for my fourth tattoo. While chatting online, I tend to overuse the phrase "hahaha". The reason I throw it in so often is because it breaks the ice. Sometimes I say it just to indicate that I received the message - sort of an acknowledgment. This became an annoyance for her and she requested that I stop overusing it. I decided to avoid using it completely when chatting with her and our conversation seemed to lose a lot of emotion - to me at least. Everything felt dry and mundane. Eventually I felt like a robot with no emotions. I told her how I felt, followed by a message: "Iamarobot". However, she saw it as"lamarobot", as in "LAMAROBOT". She asked me later what a lamarobot was and it has been a running joke since.
I can tell that we are gonna be friends.
(By the way the tattoo idea is "lamarobot" on the inside of my forearm with a tiny robot at the end)
Lose yourself.
I have been doing some uncharacteristic things as of late... Without getting into specifics, I acted poorly and regret my actions. While I cannot change the past, I hope to improve the future.
This year has been difficult. Things are changing and I am finding it harder to keep up. I made a plan in the past few days that should help put me on the right path. With some luck, I should be able to find some minute nugget of happiness and perhaps even a sense of self worth.
Until then, I can always turn to alcohol and drugs.
-Spiladnuht
