Let's go that way.

I feel like blogging.  But I have too much to say and don't feel like typing.  If only I had one of those speech-to-text programs so I can just talk.  Here's the gist.

The past few days have been tremendously strenuous emotionally and mentally.  I have been struggling to keep my composure and fear that I could lose it at any second.  Yes, I know you're thinking I am a drama queen.

I was thinking about my life and the lack of direction in it.  When I think about myself, I always saw myself as a mediocre person.  Someone in the middle stuck in the middle - lost in the shuffle and unnoticed in the mix of things.  But today I thought, "What if I'm not even mediocre?  What if I'm so far from mediocre that I've been kidding myself thinking I even come close?"  Then I start thinking about life itself and blah blah blah.  While I appreciate the people and things I have in my life, I am finding it very difficult giving anything back to the people who have given me so much.  I'm starting to feel a little helpless.  But mostly useless.

Just rambling on...  Bring on the delusions of grandeur caused by my mental breakdown.

-Alex Thunderlips

It's a crazy world

Last night I had another quasi-nightmare.  This time however, it was more of a "thriller" dream than a "horror" dream. 

It started out with all of my friends on vacation in Alaska.  We stayed at a Tiki themed resort fully equipped with all the amenities.  The rooms were actually individual huts that we shared amongst ourselves and it was centered around a giant fire pit where the staff cooked food.

In the middle of the night, we discover that Nicole is missing.  We find out that she had been kidnapped to be used for human trafficking and we trek out to find her.  This is where things get a little hazy.  What I do remember also does not make much sense.  But here it goes.

The kidnappers only took her away because they knew that the Earth was moving towards the Sun and Alaska was going to melt away in a short time.  They took Nicole away but under the guise of something less sinister and they left unnoticed in the middle of the night.  Gary, V, and I all run out of our huts with our exploration backpacks chock full of goodies to search for Nicole when we notice she's gone.

As we cross the horizon, we see a group of men with Nicole walking across the icy plain.  Behind us, the sun is getting closer and is growing in size.  The ice beneath our feet begins to melt so the three of us race towards Nicole while trying to avoid being drowned in the melting ice.  V grabs my hand and Gary grabs onto mine and we slide down the mountain.  The Sun is getting so close that the ice we're sliding down melts faster than we can reach the bottom and we are soon sliding on concrete.

After this, there was a lot of other interesting things that happened but I was concentrating on remembering the beginning more and forgot the rest.  I hope I can soon master the art of lucid dreaming...

Until next time,

Mmm...lucid dreams...

-Alex Thunderlips

Ursher

I wish I could move like that... All of his dance moves are so smooth and clean.  Just natural born talent.  If only I had some of that... If I did maybe I could get girls who move like this:



I've had Rihanna's album for a while and this track was always one that stood out for me.  I listened to it at least 20 times, but it wasn't until I saw the music video that I realized how sexual the song is.  I have a tendency to listen to songs without listening to their meaning.  A lot of times I know most of the words but still don't actually take the time to listen to them.  The way she moves in the video is hot.  I want a girl who can move like that.  This is where Usher's moves would come into play.

Today was a very slow Saturday indeed.  Didn't get much done but didn't have much to do.  I was planning on studying up for the GRE since I will be taking it one last time.  But somehow that turned into 3+ hours of COD and nonsense.

I sat around my room listening to all of Usher's old tracks and singing along.  Basically karaoked by myself for about two hours while surfing the web.  Downloaded a few new albums but so far nothing worth mentioning.  Not too many albums are noteworthy as of late.  Everything is relatively bland.  I need some new music.  Good music.

I bought two grab bags from Triumvir for $50 each and ended up with this:

In terms of quantity, I think it's pretty decent.  Spent $100 for two caps, six tee shirts, and the 3/4 sweater shown above.  The only thing is, I ordered the wrong size cap and most of the tee's I'm not a big fan of.  I gave the black tee to my brother and will probably keep the yellow tee.  The biggest disappointment and awkward piece has to be the baby blue tee shirt with the pink skull.  I have no idea what they were attempting there but apparently it was a limited release in Japan in 2004.  Other than that I'm not sure what I want to keep.  I posted the pictures on Hypebeast for trades but still nothing worth trading for yet.  I wish the yellow cap fit.  I kind of like it...  When I checked my bank account to look at the purchase again, it disappeared from my statement.  So this shipment could actually be free.  I have to call to find out what happened.  I don't know why they would remove it but it's not there and the purchase is not calculated into my balance so until  I am told otherwise, I believe it is in fact free. 

Until next time,

"Act cool, Quincy.  Act cool."

-Alex Thunderlips

Ominous beginnings.

Lately I have been getting a feeling that some terrible things will happen soon.  Call it a hunch, gut feeling, or paranoia. Whatever it is, it's consuming my life.  I am not a believer of fortune-telling, astrology, or any of the pseudosciences, but I can't seem to shake this feeling.  Whatever is going to happen, I think it's going to happen soon.  Within the next three months or so. 

Last night, I had a quasi-nightmare.  It started out with all of my friends hanging out at my house in the living room.  My parents storm in through the front door.  My mom is yelling at my dad and he has no reaction or response to anything she's saying.  I can already see that something terrible was happening.  My dad tells me he's quitting his job and my mom is stressing out about money.  My dad then says a bunch of things implicating he is also giving up on life.

He pulls Andy aside and lectures him for a while.  I wasn't close enough to hear the conversation, but I could see whatever my dad was saying was making Andy angry.  In a few seconds, Andy started swinging at my dad and it took everyone in the room to hold them back.

I couldn't deal with the situation so I left and walked around the neighborhood.  I ended up in a back alley somewhere.  It turned out to be a dead end so I turned around.  In doing so, my Gameboy inside my backpack flew out, crashing on the floor.  As I bent down to pick it up, I saw a hidden compartment outside of the house I was standing in front of.  I open the compartment to find a slew of video games.  Inside, I can see N64, SNES, and NES games of all kinds.  I take a quick scan to make sure no one is looking before I start to take some of them.  When I look up into the house, I see a little girl playing Wii (notice that all of the gaming systems in this dream are manufactured by Nintendo).  I try to sift through the games as fast as possible without her noticing, but I'm caught before I'm able to find anything worth taking.

As I ran back home, I began to feel the tension from the situation earlier.  When I get inside, I can still see that many of my friends are still hanging around, but most people had left.  I went to my room and found one of my lady friends in my bed sleeping, fully clothed.  When I look down, my shirt is missing.  Oh well.  I get into bed with her and pull the blankets back over us.  She tried to comfort me (nothing sexual).  We end up spooning. 

Until next time,

How did my shirt disappear so fast?

-Alex Thunderlips

James Dean

This weekend I went to get a haircut for Chinese New Year.  I walked around Geary looking for a place to get it cut but everywhere was busy.  I checked four places and there were at least four or five people waiting in line at each place.  I didn't want to wait so I grabbed a quesidilla from Gordo's and walked home.  When I got home, I decided to try and schedule an appointment at the hair salon around the corner from my house.  Fortunately there was an opening immediately so I walked myself over.

The salon was nicer than I remembered. The lady that I always remembered seeing there was nowhere to be found.  I discovered later on that she had sold the shop to the current stylist last summer.  The lady that also owned it before him was also the mother of Tina Kwan, a girl I've known since elementary school. 

The guy that cut my hair spoke in broken English and had trouble keeping a conversation going in English.  Luckily, I speak Cantonese.  He asked me how I would like it cut.  When I asked if he knew what a pompadour was, he had a blank stare and had no idea what I was talking about.  I asked him if he was familiar with Elvis or the Fonz.  Still nothing.  Finally he handed me his laptop and told me to find a picture to show him.  "OH JAMES DEAN!"  Yes.  James Dean.

Turned out just the way it was supposed to.  He styled it with gel which looked horrible but I let him make an attempt.  I knew I could do better so I went home and washed out the gel.  I tried using what I had to see if anything would hold my thin yet heavy hair.  Unfortunately the product I'm using does not hold so I need to go get something better.  Last resort is Murray's. 

^This beastly hair cream is petroleum based which means it is VERY difficult to wash out.  I have read that it can take up to three days to wash out unless you use dishwashing soap.  It's what all the real greasers use.  However, I may not be brave enough to try it.  I warned my mom ahead of time that if she sees dishwashing soap in the bathroom, it's for my hair.

My coworkers all noticed my haircut (of course) and everyone had something different to say.  I had it down like I have the past two days since I have not yet resolved the hair product issue.  People at work said things like "Nice haircut" or "Who's the new guy?"  The strangest thing someone said to me was that my hair made me look more "edgey" which is bizarre because I think I look rather boyish and dorky.  Oh well.

Until next time,

Pomp it up.

-Alex Thunderlips

"She was da bomb?"

Yesterday I accomplished something I thought was near impossible.  I was able to run all the way to 47th avenue and back.  A total of 50 blocks or 3.5 miles.  It was amazing because I've been running the same route and I never made it past 41st avenue (on the way back).  The amazing thing was that I wasn't as fatigued as I thought.  I probably could have ran a little further but I was already home.  Even more surprisingly, I am not sore.  My self esteem is at an all time high and I have started working out again.  But enough about that.

Two days ago I posted about something at work that was absolutely hilarious.  And I'm about to show you.  To give you a refresher on the background of these photos, building security provided a binder of emergency procedures and such.  Inside, I found this.

Take a closer look. 

What the eff?!  "Did you place the bomb?"  I couldn't stop laughing when I saw this page.  My coworkers had no idea why I was laughing.  This form was so strange I had to take a picture to capture the memories.

Yesterday I was talking to my mom and she said something that I knew was a lie.  I called her out on it and said she was a big fat liar.  She looked at me and said, "DO YOU SEE MY PANTS ON FIRE?!"  If there was a show called "Moms Say the Darndest Things", she would totally be on it. 

Until next time,

EXPLOSION!

-Alex Thunderlips

Losing my marbles.

Today was my official first day working in San Leandro.  While I am about to bitch and moan about the East Bay life, I must first admit for some reason the place feels very home-y.  For no reason at all, it was just comfortable to be there.

My schedule hasn't been set in stone per se but I have a general idea of when I need to get things done.  The commute wasn't as bad as I thought but still took about an hour and fifteen minutes from door to door.  Hopefully it won't ever take longer than that.  I was surprised at how little people were on the 31AX at 7:20.  The last time I took the 31AX it was shoulder to shoulder, wall to wall full of passengers.  Today there were only six people standing in the entire bus. 

When I got to work, I did the usual routine of booting up my PC and checking my email in Outlook.  Then I tried to log into meebo and yahoo mail.  Denied.  The new website security the building has is ridiculously strict.  Most of the yahoo main articles are blocked due to content deemed inappropriate for the workplace.  That includes external email, instant messaging, forums, social networking, and many other filters.  This means no yahoo mail, no meebo, no slickdeals, no blogpsot, no Facebook (which I've never used at work), no nothing!  I began to complain to my coworkers that all the good stuff on the internet is being blocked and everyone had their own complaints.  My cubicle is about half the size of my old one but it's still big enough that I don't feel claustrophobic.

It took me less than an hour and a half to unpack while most people still haven't unpacked half of their belongings.  Breakfast was provided by vendors and there were donuts, muffins, and coffee.  I almost drank the bottle of half and half since they put it in a carafe without a label.  I wanted milk.  I had no assignments and nothing to do so I began to read the binder of information provided by the building.  I went through all the security protocols and such (which I will be talking more about tomorrow).  I eventually got to the most useful page in the binder.  Local restaurants!  The page listed close to 30 places to get food within five miles.  About half was fast food like KFC, Wendy's, Mcdonald's, etc. but the other half was local places.  I had nothing to do so I yelped all of the restaurants (not the fast food ones).  There actually is a lot of places I would like to try on that list.  I have until December. 

Then I found out lunch was provided as well.  Unfortunately the food was bland and was not worth getting seconds.  It was catered Chinese food from some restaurant.  Nothing tasted good and it would have been a better idea to order Panda Express over that place next time.  I couldn't even TASTE the pandas in this food.  Not finger-ling-ling good at all. 

Eventually I volunteered to do some work so I spent two and a half hours creating a spreadsheet of all available ATMs.  I figured since I was the only one doing actual work today, my manager might not be too upset if I take off early.  I finished my spreadsheet at 4:30 and asked for the rest of the day off since I couldn't complete any assignment before leaving at five.  I also told her that I took a shorter lunch so I should be able to leave anyways since I already put in my eight hours.  She was fine with it and I began packing my things.

The only reason I wanted to leave early was to catch the tail end of the Sharks game.  The game started at four which means it would end around 6:30.  If I catch the Bart and bus fast enough I could easily catch the end of it.  When I get to the platform of the Bart station, the train was just arriving.  "Great timing!  I'm off to a good start," I thought.

When I get off the Bart it takes me a few seconds to realize where the bus stop was and in a very uncharacteristic move, the bus skips my stop.  It was not even close to being a full bus.  So I decide to try a new route.  I knew the 21 ran somewhere along Fulton at some point and I didn't see a bus for the next three blocks or so.  I decided to give it a shot.  Never again!  The 21 moves so effin' slow it was ridiculous.  I could've just taken the 38L which was right behind it. 

When I get to 8th Ave or so, I realize I had left my house keys at work.  There's no way I'm going all the way back to get them.  I have no way of getting into my house now and in a panic I start calling people before thinking it through.  I called Andy and Anjuli hoping someone would pick up so I'd have somewhere to go.  After I called, I remembered my aunt has a set of my house keys.  I tend to panic and act irrationally when things go awry.  When I called her she was still on the Bart at Embarcadero.  So I decide to kill time by going to the ATM and Gordo's.  Time well spent I must say.

By the time I got into my house, the game was over and I was only able to catch the post-game live report.  Looks like I missed out on a bunch of stuff because I left work in a rush.  Fail. 

I need a longboard.  Fast.  I don't like to walk. 

-Alex Thunderlips

Interesting plot

Tomorrow I have a meeting with the director of a program I am applying to.  To prepare for it, my dad thought it would be a good idea to promote my Chinese heritage and the medical background of my family.  I sat down with my dad for an hour this evening so he could tell me his ideas for getting into the program.  This is where I realize how much of a narcissist my father really is.  The entire hour, he talked about how he helped people as a doctor and all the great things he's done: founding the first school for Oriental medicine, restoring the health of terminal patients, being offered thousands of dollars in cash for his work, etc.  The entire discussion was one-sided.  When I asked how this would help me get into the program he said, "Yea", and continued telling his story.  At this point, I know there's no hope so I humor him and just listen to what he has to say.

While listening to his stories about the faults and inconsistencies in western medicine, I began to drift off into my dream world.  Then I had an interesting thought.  What if all medicine was a lie?  What if it turned out that everything we think about medicine is false?  The millions of dollars spent every year turns out to be for nothing.  Everything we ever thought about the healing powers of pills and vitamins turn out to be nothing more than the placebo effect in global effect.  What if medicine weren't real?  If people found out and lost faith in medicine people would die faster than the people in Haiti.  YA BURNT! Too soon?  But anyways, it just got me thinking how much of a placebo effect there is.  Another spin-off of René Descartes "I think therefore I am" notion.

Just a thought.  May have potential to be written as some sort of fiction book or movie.

Until next time,

Take the red pill.

-Alex Thunderlips

Dreams of a functioning psychopath

Great song.  Legit track from Ke$ha's album, Animal.  I don't understand the reason why people don't respect her or her music.  She has an album that most likely has already gone at least platinum, she holds the record for highest downloaded record for a female artist (of all time), and she's only 22.  What have you done with your life that's so great?  Shut up then.

Last night I had a very strange dream.  Most of my dreams are.  As I explained to Gary this weekend, my mind is unlike any other.  I often identify myself as a functioning psychopath.  The thoughts in my mind are rarely expressed out loud, and that's what makes me functional in society.  If I were to actually do the things I'm thinking about, I probably wouldn't be alive today.  It's okay to think it as long as I don't do it.  Right?

So my dream is segmented in three pieces.  I woke up twice in the middle of the night from the cold since I decided to sleep pants-less and with only one blanket.  The dream began with me, Doug, and my mom in a hotel room.  Nothing special about the room.  Typical two queen beds in a room lit with slightly yellow bulbs.  I don't remember exactly what was going on but I do know that I was in a competition with my mom.  I cannot recall the stipulations but the events that follow were somehow the basis of our battle for supremacy.

As my mom lay in one bed, Doug was in the other.  I jumped on top of my mom and mounted her in a TOTALLY non-sexual way.  You'll understand in a second.  I grab this off the table between the beds.  

Next thing I know, I jam it into my jugular and blood starts pouring out from my neck over my mom.  I then take the same tool and stab her once in the jugular.  But, for some reason, she doesn't start bleeding.  The blade of the scraper went through her neck but her neck was soft like Jell-O.  At that point I begin to panic because I'm losing a lot of blood.  I stab her neck multiple times until she starts bleeding but even then, there's not a lot of blood.  At that point, I look at Doug and I'm about to faint from the loss of blood.  I tell him to keep talking to me so I don't fall asleep.  Apparently, the competition between me and my mom was to see who could lose the most blood and stay awake.  Doug talks to me and I end up "winning" this round.  I eventually pass out after my mom. 

Seems crazy right?  The words do no justice to the images that have been burned into my mind from this dream.  After that the rest of the dream will seem boring. 

The next thing I remember is waking up (in the dream - as in waking up from passing out).  My neck is hideously scarred and scabs are all over my neck even though I'm still slightly bleeding still.  I find a first aid kit in the bathroom and wrap my neck multiple times over with gauze to the point where my neck has become stiff.  My mom, realizing I had "won" the competition, offers to take me to eat at a buffet.  The three of us walk through a long dark tunnel with the walls completely lined with old broken down washing machines and dryers.  A homeless guy runs past us to a washing machine and opens it up.  He pulls out a duffel bag and screams in excitement.  It was filled with all of his belongings which he had hidden there before he went to prison.  Don't really understand how I knew he just got out of prison but it was just one of those things you know in your dreams.

We get to the buffet and my family is already there.  We split up to get food and all of a sudden the setting changes from a buffet to a library and the cast of Community is sitting at the table across from me.  Jeff looks over to me and asks me for my notes.  I get up to hand it to him and when I turn back around, there's a girl sitting in the seat I just left.  My notes and books were thrown on the floor and she just stared at me like she didn't do anything.  Oh well.  I walk away and there's a table full of guns just like in Call of Duty.  It takes me a millisecond to decide that I want my seat back.  I wasn't going to ask nicely for it.  I get strapped and start walking back to my table.  The scene turns into 16-bit and I have to shoot two people to get to the seat.  In my radar  I see the first person I shot is not quite dead so I pull out my credit card which has a sliding top-half - almost like if my credit card were a Transformer.  I flip the top up and down really fast and the credit card fires a bullet right into the persons skull.  Yes.  My dream weapons are insane.

At this point I wake up again from my dream because of the cold.  The last segment is a very short one.

It starts out in a giant garage complex and a few friends and I are walking towards some other people.  As I walk closer, I see that it's a group of girls, one of whom I already know.  If I had to guess, this girl has been in one out of every ten dreams.  It's funny because I never think about her when I'm awake and I haven't seen her in probably three years and haven't talked to her for slightly longer.  As I walk toward the girls, she leans in and gives me a hug and kiss.  I realize she's my girlfriend and we walk off together out of the parking garage.  This was even weirder since I haven't thought about her in that way.  Somehow we end up in my grandma's house which turned out to be where we lived together.  And then I woke up for good.

The last part was more for me since no one else really knows what the hell I'm talking about.  It's just interesting to me that the same girl keeps showing up in my dreams when I hardly think about her when I'm awake.  And I'm sure the rest of my dreams has left my image tainted.  Don't worry.  I'm not really that crazy.  I would only kill you in my dreams.

To try and clear up some of the crazy, I will try to explain why I dreamed what I dreamed.  I spent most of Sunday cleaning the garage with my mom.  We threw out a lot of junk and moved a spare washing machine we have to the back of the garage.  This may have been where the tunnel of washing machines came into picture.  While cleaning my mom picked up a pirate sword left by someone after the pirate party.  She pointed it at me and made a threatening face and said "Alex..."  I found one of my old BB guns, a USP, and pointed it back at her and said "Mommy..."  We had a laugh and went back to cleaning.  Possibly where the first part of the dream came from.  The buffet is probably just cause I'm fat.  Call of Duty is obvious and recurring.  So, in conclusion, I am not crazy.  I am "colorful". 

Until next time,

Stay out of my head.   

-Alex Thunderlips